Stephanie says that I am "ansty" in this blog and she is right. Yesterday I was going to post a comment about the course that wasn't faulting me so much as faulting the students. This is in regards to the test, half of which were of painfully poor quality. I have to draw a line between my responsibility lies for their actions and where their responsibilty begins. Of course, these are really not inseparable and try as I might, I can't stop caring and to some degree, holding myself to blame as they fail. But then today, when a quarter of them skip class, and only 4 have the software loaded on their machines as requested, I practically went over the edge. What's left for me to do but fail them, which feels like a failure of mine, and to move on. I hate this naked use of power, the power of failing grades to reach someone. That's where I feel I have failed. I couldn't get them excited about the learning, the content, the magic of an educational experience. I am despondent.

This class surprises me in both positive and negative ways. The understanding of technology is wideranging, in a way that my other sections have not been, and they, for the most part, listen to each other. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised by much of the attention toward the entertainment and social elements of the Internet. That's certainly consistent with other classes and students in general. Connecting this to a deeper level that has to do with our understanding of ourselves and about the human existence doesn't occur as frequently as I would like, but I don't doubt that they can do, and will do this, with some ease. What has surprised me on the negative end, is those instances (and it hasn't been that often) when students drop the ball. At this point in the program, it seems odd and a little scary (for them) to have this happen. Scary because Landmark will be over soon for many of them, and these patterns will not be helpful beyond the supportive climes of Putney. Oh well.

I am pleased with how the test is written. I labored over this and will probably tinker with it right up until it is given on Monday. However, who knows how it will turn out. I am eager to see and learn from this experience.

Things are backed up and I am nowhere that I thought I would be by now. In fact, I am a bit disoriented about it all. I need to take some time, reflect and plan out the big picture again. Carving out that time has been hard. And staying busy gets in the way of this. I need to slow down.

Presentations have gone well. The best of any class. Some basic problems with using powerpoint but quality of work has been good.

Next week is the first test and I am toying with this open source idea. I need to think it through a bit more.